WHAT THE HELL

Hi world i am a forgetful gal and i am still a student in MDIS a uni student where most of our projects will be accumulated and have to be done within few weeks and i still have got other commitment like tuition and family, orchestra practice and also the most unwanted ADMIN WORK from SOMEWHR~!!!!

What is the hell this world is going~! me being in the middle is @ wrong all the time for not tell who and who about wat and wat... i dun have whole day jus to do ur stuff ok... although i dun need to pay $$ for doing what i like but i dun tink i need to commit my entire life rite? frens around me kept saying jus quit but is really really the onli responsibility to hold me thr. being in a formatting state we stood thr with some of the really loyal members.. even little mingsheng stand up against his mum that he wan to stay the this orchestra but look wat we have been pushed to? bringing in the new teachers we a big project to us too... we r still young with lack of experience in life but y we do all this?? is jus to enjoy music nt FUCKING admin stuff where i have to stay out of my sectional. i know i am not good in admin and HR but wht can i do? U tink i wan to be the chair of the co myself? i cant even take care of myself hw can i take care of the whole group of ppl?? this is nt sch that i can control all things by force~ there is no one i can go to to solve all these admin and irritating things, people u go to will jus treat u as a ball and start rolling to one and other.

ya i know my teacher take money of cos mus do stuff for u all but can u all jus notice in advance? advance dun mean 1mnth~ becos 1mnth onli got 4 sundays~ and practicing song is nt like learning abc ok... we can onli come together onli on SUNDAYS FOR YOUR INFOR IF U ALL DUNNO~! and say we can do solo whr u all dun demand whole trope... but my group dun put solo as piority ok... solo is onli practice when we have TIME whr our sectional is 1h30mins and same for combine. maybe for cello is ok but what we prac is nt relenvent for chin-nas event ok~ so solo player use their own pocket to go for lessons jus to play for YOUR PERFORMANCE if u all dun wan us so much jus disband it~!!!!! if wan to make me say tis out i tink this situation is really bad already! saying alot support given but we dun see ANY... what i know is THE CHAIRMAN HAVE TO REQUEST, THE CHAIRMAN HAV TO TYPE REPORT, HAVET TYPE PROPOSAL U TINK I DAMN FREE IS IT~ THE CHAIRMAN THIS TIS THT THT. CCB.

I NEVER GET SO WORKED UP IN MY ENTIRE LIFE OF ORCHESTRA onli after being in the commitee~ i dun blame ppl entrusting me duty for com. but is the management tht is idiot!!! if u wan u can do a SOP (STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE) OUT IF U WAN I WOULD BE HAPPY ENUFF TO FOLLOW STEP BY STEPS~!!!!!!

(sorry to vent my anger here i also dunno what am i saying.... jus ignore it if u dun wan to read it I'M FINE)

Where can I get back the feel

....A tired day today...... Too tired to think therefore din't contribute much in the group project discussion..... I tink I was too tired because of yesterday's tuition and also night orchestra practise in teck ghee cc....

Yesterday tuition was fun although spent more time in Kaven's house but I think we are more closer now and to hear student saying "I hope I can go Hongkong after thursday's tuition" as he was going for holiday on wednesday thus no tuition classes for next week... It's only the 2nd lesson and he said that, i felt really so warm... can't believe that I am now someone's teacher....It really feels good and fulfilling hearing kids calling you teacher.

Yesterday's night practise is normal.... but I din't stayed back to have coffee with the other members as I was really too tired.

Today woke up and manage to finish typing the task for each concert post on my lappy and after orchestra prac, i rush over to cathay for project meeting without lunch but manage to grab a curry puff in starbucks~ although it is the most affordable food in starbucks but I think it is way too expensive as I'm now saving up for travelling or perharps to have cello lesson again with Mr Poh.

Orchestra is growing week by week... but i seems not to have any strength in doing orchestra work (which i will always out it in 1st piority in the past) neither school work.

I kept pondering over "Am I on the right track?", "What I really want in my future" but now I don't see any light in front. What kind of job suits me? why i choose to study in tourism? why din't I go into NIE when i love teaching and love kids so much? althought i dint hate tourism sectore but why i just doesn't have a strong passion in teaching or music? Being a cello teacher once passed my mind but it was put down quickly as i always hear people saying it is not a easy path. For me I think road is all not easy but how hard it is compare to creating passion or giving up passion.....

Seriously I dunno what i'm writing maybe someone can tell me.... but stuffs just passed my mind as i typed so I'm now jus a typing machine but not me controlling..........

Anyway... got to start with group work now as it is not individual work which i an responsible for myself......